My Upbringing

Who am I? Where did I come from? Well, my mother is Asian and a Buddhist who describes her religion as 'out of fear', and my father is Caucasian and an Atheist because he was a preacher's kid and his father didn't practice what he preached. Growing up, I try to remember my upbringing and when I remember going to church, I honestly can't remember much in the early days. I'm mid 30's now and my first memory of church was when I was around 5 years old. I remember attending a church and a van would come to our house to pick me and my brother up every Sunday. I remember being Mary in the Christmas play and my brother was Joseph. I have no idea who introduced us to church or what church we went to, but that is my small bit of a memory regarding that time. My first regular stint of church when I was in second grade when I lived with my Grandmother. My dad was in the service and my parents had already gotten divorced by this point. My dad had custody of us and he did not want my mom to have any control or rights when it came to us. Being from another country and because she wasn't exactly a Saint, there wasn't much she could do when it came to us. My Grandmother was a Methodist and since my brother and I were living with her, she took us with her to Church. Like I said, I don't remember much, but I have seen a lot of pictures. When my dad returned six months later, he got stationed down in Texas and off we went. Somehow, my dad and mom decided to give it another try and so they got married. My personal belief is that my dad forced her by using me and my brother as bait saying she'd never see us again and that she'd go to jail for throwing an aerosol can at my brother's head and sending him to the hospital. Of course, my brother and I constantly heard them screaming and fighting. We witnessed my dad burn all of my mom's bowling shirts and patches, as well as other things. My dad felt that she should obey him and that was that. Needless to say, they got divorced for the second time and off she want. Again, my dad received custody. They ended up getting married for a third time and were split within 6 hours and divorced a short time after.

My brother was in the boy scouts and some of their meetings were at a church. So my brother and I started going. I believe it was a baptist church, but quite honestly I can't remember. The nice thing was that we lived across the street so it was really easy for us to cross and attend. I do remember going, being around other kids, and I even remember being baptized by being submerged in a blue baby pool. By the time I was mid-6th grade, my father had remarried and he decided to leave the military which caused us to move back to my Grandmother's hometown in Illinois. It was a small town and once we moved, my brother and I started attending church with my Grandmother. We had a lot of fun with Sunday School, church picnics, and of course all of the church camps. We went on mission trips, drove hundreds of miles to church camps, and did a lot with our family at church. I remember when I was in jr high school, I asked my dad why he didn't go to church and he said. I'll step foot in church one time in my life and that will be your wedding. During 8th grade, I went through confirmation and was baptized for a second time (sprinkling). When I was a freshman, I got my first real boyfriend and he was catholic. I attended 4 years of Saturday catholic mass and then would attend Sunday morning Methodist church. I was urged to convert to Catholicism when I was nearing graduation and I did take a serious thought to it but at that point, I really didn't know if I was going to marry my boyfriend. Up to this point, I was definitely a Christian, but I don't really think I really knew what the true meaning of that was. I hadn't read the bible on a regular basis and I always questioned why my clothes weren't good enough for church. I enjoyed the services, but I don't really know for sure if they reached me.