Born Again

The day of Tony and my baptism happened yesterday and it was a truly amazing experience. I was scared, excited, and not sure how to feel all at the same time.  I was worried about my family and friends showing up for the event and if they'd find me and the seats that I've reserved.  I got most of them to their seats and Tony and I were on our way to get ready. We brought shorts and a change of clothes. They gave us shirts that said "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20.  We wore them proudly and went to sit in the congregation.  The service was the most emotional for me thus far, next to my first day in church.  They had the most inspiring service from the music, to a video of God role playing with a man, to 10 testimonials to the study of the scripture.  I was doing really good in not being emotional, but of course that was quickly changed.  The video of the role play was dear to my heart. One man played God and the other played a guy who tries to control his relationship with God. The dialogue was inspiring and powerful because it is how all of us think and ultimately, we are scared of what we all have inside of us because we are ashamed of some things we are hiding or that we've done.  But God chooses us and he chisels us away to we can be his masterpiece.  The man playing God had his chisel and hammer pretending to chisel away at the sins of the man.  Things like 'lust, greed, control freak, anger, etc' and the man wants to be a masterpiece and says 'okay, I'm ready, but just be aware of what you are going to find in there..I'm not worthy' and God explains that he made him a masterpiece and all things he creates is perfect in his eyes, but we have to work for perfection.  It touched my heart and of course I cried. Although, I know they were just role playing and it was acting, but seriously, the man's crackled voice exclaiming he is ready to put his sins out there, was so compelling.  The service continued with an amazing solo by a girl singing Natalie Grants song. If the song wasn't inpact-ful enough, what happened next started my water works a flowing. Ten people came out to give their testimonial and forgive me because I am actually tearing up as I'm writing this.  The first woman came out holding a huge white posterboard that said 'Abandoned at Age 8, lost, felt unloved' and then at the bottom said 'found God, the church is my family'. I got the largest lump in my throat (I'm actually getting one now) and it touched my heart. I weeped loudly and Tony grabbed my hand. She walked down off the stage, turned her posterboard around and her gigantic picture appeared, she hung it on a rack and walked away. There her picture say and stared at us. Nine more people walked out with boards saying 'Addicted to Porn, sex addict' to 'Control freak, verbally abusive, always right' to 'Party lifestyle, binge drinking' to 'Bi-racial, hard life' and all of their bottom portions of their poster boards said 'Forgiven' 'Accepted by God' 'Found Jesus', etc. and I weeped more and more while they came out and put their pictures up.  The sermon was about Saul, a Christian killer who was chosen, baptized, and became the Apostle Paul and how it was relevant to baptisms.  As the Pastor was speaking, he said that Saul was to stand up and be baptized and how it didn't mean that he needed to prepare, or work on being a better person, or start reading the bible...it was all about being saved today and starting a new life today.  That God had chosen all of us and no matter what dark secrets and sins we hold onto, what is stopping us from being reborn as Christians.  That was our cue to stand up and walk towards the baptismal.  So the 7 or 8 of us did.  As we walked, the Pastor said that it is just like that and he welcomed others to do the same.  Almost 20 more (don't quote me on the number), came forward without being prepared and with no worries. They walked forward and got baptized along with us.  I was the first to go and felt compelled to be a leader. I really don't know how to explain it. I walked into the warm water and the Pastor said some things, I repeated my confession and I was dunked under water and pulled back up again.  He hugged me and everyone cheered.  Tony went next and I did not feel immediately different or that a weight had been lifted. Tony said he felt a weight was lifted in him and even my grandmother who watched said 'don't you feel that a weight has been lifted', but I did not feel that at all.  What does this mean? Should I have felt something, do I feel bad for this, why didn't I.  I feel that there is real work that needs to be done.  That I have a lot of things I need to work on. I felt that I have a bigger purpose in life and that to get there is through the salvation of God. I feel the weight is here nor there. That I feel reborn, I feel happy, I feel excited, but most of all, I feel READY to begin my journey. To work on my relationship with God, but more importantly to work on letting God chisel away at my sins so I can become his Masterpiece.