Trust Issues

I do believe that every person you encounter helps to shape your life in some way. Some have bad influences and some have good ones, and it is up to you to decide whether to embrace the people you encounter. After my divorce, I really didn't think I'd be able to marry again and be trusting of the person. My trust issues had just become an obsession of mine. I didn't know if every guy could be trusted, I didn't know if any girl was my friend for the right reasons. It was an awful spot to be in and my philosophy up to this point was to kill them with kindness and they'll be your friend because you were adamant and persistent. What I didn't realize is that befriending a bad person can actually be a bad thing.  I figured if I focused on the positive side of people that our friendship would grow organically.  I was completely wrong. For the seven years I was with my ex, I had girls befriend me because they wanted the free drinks and free admission to the bars or because they wanted to be 'in' with the band.  They even befriended me to get closer to my husband.  Of course, I thought that if you kept your friends close, but your enemies closer then I would have the bird's eye view and I'd be able to know more and act when necessary.  When everything went down with my divorce, it was within days that I realized who my true friends were. It was even harder finding out that the ones who I classified as friends weren't really my genuine friends at all.  It was easy to let go of those who were not genuine, but to find out that some of the girls/guys you were confiding in turned out to be talking behind your back the entire time...well, let's just say it takes a tole on a person.  I have always had a heavy heart and have acted my whole life with my heart and not as much my mind. However, the day had come where all of that was about to change and in a big way.  I needed a rebound guy to distract me a bit and I found the perfect person. He was going through the same thing I was and we ended up being pretty good friends (with benefits) for a few months. It was the perfect thing I needed...to feel special...but with no commitments.  At the end of the day, he was a little more emotional than I can handle and his situation was a little different than mine. I had grown over a long time in loving my ex less and less until the day I left him, I was ready. I wasn't 50% ready and I wasn't 99% ready - I was 100% ready and my advice to any person trying to decide to leave their relationship, just know that unless you are 100% ready, you won't be successful at leaving without regret. Sure, there are days when I wonder what life would be like, but I have no regrets and I walked away proudly knowing I was doing the right thing.  But I developed the worst kind of trust issues...I even had a friend's husband call me man-hater and honestly, I didn't blame him. A far as friends went, I made a list and if you were on it, then you were considered a friend that I trusted and if you weren't, then I let you go and nothing was going to change my mind.  I have always had a great eye for good people, but now my tolerance for those who I knew weren't genuinely in it for me, received no leeway. It was cut and dry from that point out. I realized that you only get so much time in a day and if I spent my time wasting on someone who didn't really care about me, then it was my own fault. I needed to focus on those who loved and cared for me and so that is what I've done ever since.  For the past 5 years and I have felt great every day knowing that these are true friends and I'm blessed to have them in my life.